2 Jun 2011
Right! Back to Thom... When I got back, things were seemed okay between Thom and I for a few months till I got invited to a “girls night” out in town. I usually steer clear of all that as it almost always ends up in a huge fight or someone crying about her boyfriend/life/other random crap. This is not stereotyping all girls nights, far from actually; this is just the case with this group of girls in particular. I was working ridiculous hours at work and was generally feeling kinda bored with my social life so I figured, “Hey, why not?”. The night went off to a good start… until “she” walked in! “She” aka “Chelle” aka “The Village Bicycle” was some obnoxious little twat (pardon my French) whose sense of self esteem seemed to be heavily reliant on the number of men she slept with (I imagine 5 a day was required for reasonable amounts of self esteem each day. Any less and she could not function – okay, I am being cruel here but I really can’t stand her). In the past, I used to love hearing her tell sex stories, they were outrageous – especially the one where she forgot the anal beads in her asshole after sex (… How????!!!!Why????!!!). She really went down in my estimations though the year before she tried to pawn off her new baby on 5 different guys (one of which was a distant cousin of mine) claiming they were the father of her child (not all at once, mind! One after the other). Worst thing is, I think she only stopped at 5 because the 5th guy agreed that it was his (silly sod). Till date, no one is really sure who the baby’s father is. Anyway, I digress… so Chelle comes in and in typical fashion starts talking about the guys she’s been with and what they like to do in bed and in the midst of my shock and horror (and secret delight at all these outrageous stories), she described a certain penis which sounded vaguely familiar. I pressed for more info and by the time she mentioned the odd egg-shaped mole on said person’s pert bum – I knew she was talking about Thom. My heart skipped a beat. Could it really be? Stupid cow knew I was in a relationship with Thom too! Manipulative bitch!
I pretend-laughed, all the while fuming inside and then I made my excuses and went straight to Thom’s house to confront him. I don’t know if out of respect for me or because he didn’t care of he hurt my feelings (I choose to go with the former) but he didn’t deny it. Apparently they’d shagged quite a few times when I was away at Uni but now that I was back, he was all mine and would never do it again. He asked me to forgive him and I suppose I could have possibly-maybe-potentially thought about doing so till I realised since this revelation, the only emotion I had been feeling was a strange sense of exhilaration. I finally had an excuse to break-up with him. And it was then it hit me, this relationship had fizzled out ages ago (perhaps even after the first night, who knows). It was all I could do to stop from giggling out loud when I told him it was over Awkward! My face was so contorted I’m sure I looked like a banshee who needed to use the toilet desperately.
I was so relieved. Finally! And then for a brief instant, I remember that he had cheated on me while we were together and with none other than Chelle The Village Bicycle and for a brief instant I was furious again but this was quickly washed over by the happiness I had from being free!
A few months after that little incident with Thom, I had another epiphany – why was I working for a little above minimum wage in a job that was leading nowhere??? I am a bit impulsive but I really trust my instincts and I walked right into work the next day and quit. So you see with no job and no man, I figured, it’s time to go out and experience something new. I had a degree in Ethnomusicology and I was going to conquer the world one step at a time. I would move to New York and be the next Lady Gaga. Actually scratch that, you need talent for that… and also, London is closer than New York so maybe I’d start with London first. I’d just be like one of those successful women who had it all – fantastic careers, lovely apartment, cute pets (I’m thinking a French bulldog or a pug) and an even cuter boyfriend/lover. And just like that, I decided to move to London!
Till next time…
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